Even though I didn't want to admit it, I was happy with my parents choice for our new home. I wasn't happy about the reason for the new house however. It had been weeks since we learned of my brothers decision to marry Star, but the event of that day was still fresh in all our minds, especially my mothers.
The day we moved in was the first time my brother and I were seeing the house, both the inside and the exterior. My brother and Star were so excited when we showed up. Why wouldn't she be excited? She gets a nice home at the expense of my hard working parents. I watched as my brother and Star ran up the long driveway to the house like two giddy kids let loose in a candy store. My mother, father, and I stood at the entrance of the property watching the two without any expression. My mother finally sighed and walked over to me.
"Why don't you go inside and pick out your room. Just remember dad and I get the bedroom on the first floor." she said in a quiet and gentle voice.
I nodded and headed inside knowing that what she really wanted was for me to leave so she could talk to my father without me hearing. As I walked toward the house I heard the beginning of their conversation, and I couldn't believe what was being said.
"First Landon gets engaged, then the house, what's next?" my mother asked my father in sort of a rhetorical question.
"Do you really want to know?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" my mothers forehead had scrunched up. Obviously, my father knew something my mother did not.
"Landon came to me last night and, well, he and Star want to get married now." he said.
"Now?! What in gods sake for?! They just got engaged. Why do they feel the need to get married now!?" Her voice was raising as her emotions escalated. I slowed my pace down to hear more. A wedding? This soon? I, too, was curious as to why they would want to get married so quickly.
"Calm down." my father said "we know they are going to get married so why wait. If they want to marry now I guess we can't object." my father said trying to justify my bother and Stars wishes.
"Calm down? Why wait? We can't object? It's only our son! What is the rush? Unless the reason for the rushed marriage is," my mother took a deep breath "that Star is pregnant."
"Come one now. " my father said in a rather annoyed tone "can't you just for once give them a break and just see that they are in love and want to marry now."
"Can't you see that there has to be an ulterior motive as to why they want to rush into the marriage?!" my mother shrieked. My heart was pounding as I made my way to the front porch. Partly because my parents were bickering, which they never did, and partly over the thought that Star could be pregnant. Most people would be happy over the news of a new baby, but given the history and how she behaves toward my mother I cannot blame my mother for not being overjoyed with the possibility of a new child in the house. I looked back over my shoulder at my parents as I reached the front door. My mother was sobbing, and my father was standing with his hands on his hips with his back facing my mother.
The tension in the house was strong the next few days. My brother and Star stayed in their room most of the day except to come down to eat. My mother and father seemed to be avoiding each other. I never saw them together much, at least not as much as I did before Star became part of our family. This girl was tearing my family apart, and, for that, I hated her more. The morning of my brothers wedding was equally as tense, but I assume not because of the wedding preparations since it was only our family attending the wedding. My mother may have finally come around to allowing the wedding to take place, but she put her foot down at allowing Star's family in her home. I remember her saying to my father that if Star wanted to have her family present for the wedding, she could have a second one at her own parents expense, not theirs.
The tension in the house was strong the next few days. My brother and Star stayed in their room most of the day except to come down to eat. My mother and father seemed to be avoiding each other. I never saw them together much, at least not as much as I did before Star became part of our family. This girl was tearing my family apart, and, for that, I hated her more. The morning of my brothers wedding was equally as tense, but I assume not because of the wedding preparations since it was only our family attending the wedding. My mother may have finally come around to allowing the wedding to take place, but she put her foot down at allowing Star's family in her home. I remember her saying to my father that if Star wanted to have her family present for the wedding, she could have a second one at her own parents expense, not theirs.
"Felicity," my mother said to me during breakfast "I want you to bring me your formal outfit you plan on wearing at your brothers wedding tonight so I can make sure it's not dirty."
I stared at her for a moment.
"Why?" I finally asked.
"Because I said so." she said in a flat tone.
I thought about whether I should ask her what I was thinking. My mother and I had a strong relationship, so I decided that I would.
"I don't understand, mom." I started "If you don't like Star, and object to this wedding taking place this quickly then why should we care how our clothes look?"
My mother looked at me out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't say anything. Maybe I should not have asked a question that would require a strong opinion for the answer, especially from my mother.
"Because," she started. I was shocked. She was going to answer me. "as much as I object to this quick wedding or dislike Star, a wedding is not the place to make a negative statement, and I love your brother, so as much as it kills me, I will support him. Are you done with your cereal?"
I nodded, and she took the bowl away. It was then, even at a young age of five, that I realized that no matter how many "wrongs" my brother, or I, make in our parents eyes, they always would be there to support our decisions and actions.
The day dragged on slowly. I spent most of the day outside in the small pasture with our new puppy, a Yorkshire Terrier, Emma, when our neighbor waved at me. She was an older woman, possibly in her late sixties, short, and thin. She had shoulder length silver hair that seemed to sparkle when the sun hit each strand. I could tell she had a garden, and had been working on it, because she had dirt covered knees, like knee-pads, she had dirty garden gloves on and a straw hat to shield herself from the sun. She introduced herself to me as Mrs. Hobbert, and asked if my mother was at home. I told her she was, and that the last I knew she was sitting on our back porch and directed her around the house to which she proceeded. She was a very nice woman, with a soft voice and a kind smile. A few moments later, she reappeared with my mother.
"...well, I never gave it much thought what we would do with it. I had thought about tearing the fence down and putting in a nice garden myself." I hear my mother saying to Mrs. Hobbert.
"Are you interested in having horses in it? Because my mare just had a foal, and I'm sorry to say I cannot keep him since I don't have the space for another horse, but I just can't seem to find a family suitable to my liking for him. You seem like a nice family, and with you having a young daughter, I was thinking maybe she would like to have a horse." She told my mother. My eyes lit up. A horse? A horse of my own? How awesome would that be. My mother sighed as she looked over at me. There was no doubt she could tell from the expression on my face I was interested, but I could tell she wished Mrs. Hobbert hadn't mentioned this in front of me.
"I'll have to talk it over with my husband first." she said "we just moved in and are still settling in, and my oldest is getting married tonight, " I was shocked at hearing her mention to someone she really didn't know that my brother was getting married, but since Mrs. Hobbert didn't know of the situation, I suppose my mother didn't feel the need to hide anything. "so I can't make a quick decision about it. Plus we just adopted a puppy, as you can see, and she is quite a hand full, but I will talk it over with my husband within the next couple of days and let you know soon."
"It'd be wonderful if you chose to take him. I could still come by and see him, and I respect your wishes to discus it with your husband first. Owning a horse is a big responsibility, so I understand you wanting to think of all the pros and cons of owning one. Let me know when you, and your husband, have made a decision, and stop by for coffee, or tea, sometime." They waved goodbye to each other and Mrs. Hobbert headed back to her home. My mother looked at me and smiled.
"I'll talk to your father about it." she said.
The evening finally showed itself, and the time came for my brother to get married. The ceremony was small. As I already knew, it would just be the five of us. Seemed silly to me to actually have a ceremony, but it was what my brother wanted. Seemed to me like it was something Star wanted more than my brother. My mother, father and I went and took our seats. I remember my mother looked beautiful that night, but not happy.
My father looked handsome, but expressionless.
Neither said a word to each other, and I found myself sitting between them, which was uncomfortable for me.
I was literally put in the middle of this mess, and it was all due to one horrible girl, Star. I wanted to say something to my parents, I wanted to cry from the tension and stress Star had brought on our family, but I kept remembering what my mother had said to me that morning, "a wedding is not the place to make a negative statement.". I would have to keep my feelings tucked away inside until a more appropriate time. I was so upset seeing my parents upset with each other, with the whole situation, that I did not even notice that Star had made her way to the alter.
You could tell Star was excited. What girl wouldn't be on her wedding day. She even tried to make a sort of amends with us by giving a excited smile and wave like a young child does when they are in the school play for all the parents and instead of focusing on their role in the play, they would rather wave and yell hi to their parents in the audience.
My mother did not find this amusing, and did not react with a smile or a wave. What sort of game was Star playing? She knew my mother disapproved of this union, so the wave with smile was almost condescending, like she was saying, "ha ha, I won and you lost". My mother only rolled her eyes once Star actually focused on what she was there to do. The ceremony was short, and even though was sweet, did not feel that way to us.
As I sat there watching my brother take Star as his wife, I wondered what the future was going to bring with Star being in our family. How would everyone get along, if they did, under one roof.
We all decided to change out of our formal clothes before having dinner and cake. My father thought it would be rude to start eating before Star and my brother joined us, so there we sat, for what felt like hours, waiting for them to join us, wondering what was taking so long.
Finally after some time, Star and my brother joined us both looking rather happy. I had gotten bored waiting for them, so my mother had told me I could go play in my room while we waited. When I came down to eat, I heard yelling coming from my parents private bathroom.
"I told you! I told you there was a ulterior motive for them wanting to get married so quickly, but did you listen to me? Noooo!" I heard my mother yelling at my father, "and, you! How dare you come into our private bathroom. You have absolutely no respect for other people's private space. What was wrong with using the bathroom on the second floor, or even the half bathroom down by the laundry room?"
And you? Who else was in there? I looked around quickly and noticed the only other person with me in the living room was my brother. Star. Star was in my parents private bathroom. Why? I'm not even allowed to use their private bathroom.
"I had to get to a washroom quickly. I'm sorry" I heard Star cry. "I didn't know it was off limits."
"It's attached to our master bedroom. There is no way to get to it other than going through our bedroom. What other sign do you need to show that it's off limits?" My mother angrily asked. "Why did you have to rush to a washroom? I want you to answer that. I already know the answer, but I want to hear it from you. I want my husband to hear it."
"Okay, that's enough," I heard my father say.
"No, it's not enough! Why are you defending her? Are you not mad she used your bathroom when there are two others she could have used? She saw your personal belongings. That doesn't bother you? What was the point in getting a master bedroom with a private bath if we were going to let others use it?" My mother was furious at this point, at both my father and Star.
"I'm pregnant and was going to be sick!" Star screamed. Suddenly, there was silence. I heard murmuring, but couldn't make out what was said.
"Well, there you have it. You got your answer. Now we can move on." the murmur was from my father. The next sound I heard was footsteps walking toward the door. I didn't realize I had been breathing hard when the bedroom door opened. "Let's just have our dinner and put an end to this day." You could hear that my father was a bit annoyed now. Dinner was awkwardly quiet. I'd notice every few moments my mother giving dirty looks, only it was dirty looks to my father.
"Felicity," my mother finally said, sort of in a stern tone. I was fearful for what she was going to say next. I looked up at her. Her nostrils were flaring from the earlier fight with Star and my father, "I decided we are going to get that horse from Mrs. Hobbert for you." She said quickly. My father looked at her in shock.
"Wait. A horse? When were you going to tell me about this?" he asked.
"I was going to bring it up to later and make a decision with you about it, but since you don't seem to care what I think about important situations I figured why should I care about yours." She snapped.
"Well making a decision about whether someone can use our bathroom, or not, is not as important of a situation as, say, getting an animal that requires a lot of care and attention." he snapped back.
"Oh. Well, I suppose my objection to Landon and Star marrying as quickly as they did was not important either since you tried to justify that action as well, so I took all the situations that I felt were important to discuss, that you felt were not, and threw them out the window. The hell with it. Felicity wants a horse, Mrs. Hobbert has one she can give us, so I made that decision for the both of us." she raised her eyebrows in a "take that" sort of look at my father. My father pushed his chair out from the table and stood up, as did everyone else.
"I'm done. I'm going to bed." he said. My mother walked pass him and gave him a look that one would say, "if looks could kill, he'd be a dead-man now".
"You can sleep on the couch tonight." she snapped on her way past him.
Star followed my brother back up to their room. My mother made her way to her bedroom and locked the door. My poor father was spending the night on the couch. He looked at me and forced a smile.
"You can sleep on my bottom bunk, daddy." I said referring to the un-used bottom bunk of my bunk-bed.
His smile turned into a easy smile as he hugged me.
"Thank you, but your bunk is a bit short for me. I'll be fine on the couch." he said. "now go to bed. You have school tomorrow."
I headed toward the stairs by going through the living room. As I reached the end of the hall I turned around to look at my father only to be surprised to see him sitting back at the table with his hand on his head in a depressed way.
"Dad?" I asked. "Are you going to be alright?"
"I don't know, squirt." he said not looking up. "Don't worry yourself. Good night."
I turned and went upstairs. The image of my father sitting at the table in such a despair state haunted me for hours. I had never seen my father stress about anything, not even his job. I had never seen, nor heard, my parents fight before recently, and now my father was stressing over his relationship with my mother. The last thought I had before falling asleep was of them getting divorced, and I cried myself to sleep.
